Because the Onion says it best:
“Today Americans have grudgingly taken a giant leap forward,” Williams continued. “And all it took was severe economic downturn, a bloody and unjust war, terrorist attacks on lower Manhattan, nearly 2,000 deaths in New Orleans, and more than three centuries of frequently violent racial turmoil.”
Said Williams, “The American people should be commended for their long-overdue courage.”….
“Obama had the foresight to run for president at a time when being an African-American was not as important to Americans as, say, the ability to clothe and feed their children,” Pung continued. “An election like this only comes once, maybe twice, in a lifetime.”
- Sarah Palin is not only an idiot, she is a diva. Over 60% of Republican voters want her to run in 2012. God save us all.
- To prove that Sarah Palin is not the only dim bulb in the 49th state, Alaskans have apparently re-elected Sen. Ted Stevens despite his seven felony convictions for bribery and corruption. A final verdict has not been made, but I won’t bet against “Uncle Ted” again.
- Virgil Goode, a know-nothing Congressman most famous for complaining that a Muslim congressman would swear in on the Koran, has lost his seat in a gigantic upset in Virginia. His opponent? A modest Christian human rights lawyer who campaigned against the genocide in Darfur. Satisfying indeed.
- Comedian Al Franken is on his way to a recount for the Minnesota Senate race. He’s down by less than 500 votes.
- The congresswoman who wrote the gay marriage ban, Marilyn Musgrave, lost her seat in Colorado.
- The Georgia Senate race is going into a runoff next month. We won’t know the breakdown of the Senate for a long time.
- California banned gay marriage with a constitutional amendment after the state supreme court legalized it.
- South Dakota voters rejected a referendum that would almost completely ban abortion.
- Joe Lieberman may switch parties from “Independent Democrat” to join the Republican caucus.
- The last Republican in New England, Christopher Shays, has lost. There are no Republican congressmen in all of New England.
- New York now has a Democratic state senate, and gay marriage should be legalized in the future.
- By my calculations, the House of Representatives is 58.6% Democratic, and the Senate is 57% Democratic at this point. Democratic politicians from now on can never complain that the Republicans are holding them back.
- The Texas House of Representatives currently stands at 76 Republicans and 74 Democrats, with one race in the Metroplex going to a recount after a 25 vote win by the Republican. The state Senate gained a Democrat in Fort Worth while Chris Bell’s Senate race in Southeast Texas/Galveston/Houston is going to a runoff next month after he won the first round.
- Republicans have clearly peaked in power and are beginning to decline, but it still may take years for the Democrats to win a statewide race. I mean, a Democrat named Sam Houston still lost for Supreme Court. You can’t beat a name like that…. unless you are a Democrat.
- Harris County (Houston) narrowly voted for Barack Obama, the first win for a Democratic presidential candidate since 1964. Houston Democrats won many county races for the first time since 1994, building a power base to one day (they dream) of restoring a Democrat to the Governor’s Mansion. Fort Bend County (home of Tom DeLay), interestingly enough, barely went for McCain.
- Dallas County which John Kerry almost won in 2004 became strikingly blue this year (54% for Obama). Harris County Democrats modeling their takeover of Houston after Dallas have a bright future ahead of them if this is precedent.
- U.S. Rep Nick Lampson lost his seat (Tom DeLay’s) in Sugar Land to a Republican while Noriega got crushed by Cornyn for U.S. Senate.
- Despite all the talk about the anti-black sentiments among Hispanic voters, the Mexican border still went strongly for Obama despite their first love for Hillary back in March.
It’s a new day, America. Ain’t it great to be cool again?