Especially (not) in Michigan… oh Mitt

15 Jan

Is there something in the water in Massachusetts that makes you flip and flop like salmon? The two most famous (non-Kennedy) politicians from the former Puritan theocracy are the doubly unimpressive John Kerry and former governor, Mitt Romney.

Mitt Romney’s old man was a progressive Republican Michigan governor who fought for civil rights and desegregation and against the death penalty back in the Sixties. A former CEO of American Motors (the last independent non-Big Three car company), he represented the automobile industry that made Michigan one of the richest states in the country. From these progressive loins came Mitt the liberal out-gay righting Ted Kennedy in 1994, Mitt the centrist governor of Massachusetts, and Mitt the hardline social conservative who applauds and will strengthen the Bush death grip on the Constitution. He defends the institution of marriage he does.

Flip… flop?

Mitt (ask Mitt anything) of the perfect hair, family, education, and breeding is floundering. Mitt the $300 million man got beat by former fatass Reverend/Governor Huckabee in Iowa despite throwing money left and right, only to come home to New England to get whacked by John McCain (of dubious sanity on the Iraq issue) in New Hampshire. What can Mitt do to make his suffering home state of Michigan see the value of putting a filthy rich capitalist in the White House tonight?

He tells them that the jobs will come back, GM/Ford/Chrysler will rise from the death without government taking over health care (Slate described the Big Three as a social welfare and retirement system funded by selling cars). And he’ll undo the mandated increases in fuel efficiency that will reduce our oil imports. I thought it was fuel efficiency and better cars that allowed Toyota to whip our ass, but wtf do I have on Mitt’s wisdom. And free trader Mitt will save every job, I tell you, every single auto job and bring back the glory days of his father.

The free market will save Michigan? Whisper that one Mitt; your buddies in Wall Street are getting bailed out by the government investment funds of China, Singapore, Kuwait, and Abu Dhabi.

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